Maybe I'm Not Cut Out For This Job

Dear D,
I just had hands down my worst class here so far. It was with one of my craziest classes to begin with (the 8th graders), and my Thai co-teacher was 30 minutes late to class so I just went for it and started teaching what I had prepared. I had some games and what I thought might be fun. The students didn't really like any of it and instead thought it would be more fun to run in and out of the classroom, hit each other and stand on their chairs. This actually isn't quite out of the ordinary for them, so I persevered and tried to get their attention. Then one boy walked into class and started waving around the body of a mutilated dead gecko and I told him sharply to take it outside and dispose of it. He headed for the door I went back to teaching. Apparently he hadn't gotten rid of it because the next time I turned my head he and some other boys had started throwing the small carcass at their female classmates. I asked (closer to a yell) that the gecko be taken away again. When I continued seeing its poor limp body flung into girls' hair I completely snapped. All of a sudden I was screaming and grabbing the boy with the gecko and pushing him towards the door. The co-teacher finally came running in at the sounds of my rage and then started apologizing over and over while at the same time admonishing the students in Thai. She made the last boy who had the gecko and who I screamed at apologize to me in English and made him kneel in front of me. That made me feel like shit.

D, I can't be a teacher. I hate this.